A. ) I was going slowly and surely stir crazy in the studio, making so much music, writing so many lyrics, that it was imperative I share something with you before my inevitable implosion.

B. ) Skin feels the most wholly representative piece of music in terms of my feelings over the course of the last few months. I have delved into this little by little, over the course of the last few months on here, and I feel very understood on that side of things. I feel like I want to do a lyric my lyric breakdown when the song is out.

Skin is about me; an amalgamation of many of my feelings, overlapping, fighting for dominance. Some of those include :

• Trying to ensure everyone likes me, even when that’s impossible

• My OCD and its need for perfection all the time

• My fear of time passing

• My fear that my friends don’t think I care about them when I’m absent so much.

• My inability to be present in certain moments where I should be enjoying the feeling.

However that is just me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing other people’s interpretations of songs, especially mine. When I was listening to Taylor Swift at 14, having never been in love, I was singing like I had been. It was fantasy to me, and made my small imagined, high-school moments of romance feel like cinema.

In the lead up to the song coming out, however, slowly but surely, I have found myself the happiest I’ve been since last year. I think there was always bound to be a kind of seratonin drop when I very suddenly went from living the absolute dream last year, doing shows, being with my best friends, getting to meet so many of you from all around the world, to returning home to myself, I didn’t know how to be on my own, just with myself. I had horrifically missed home whilst on the Tate McRae tour, that I thought when I finished the UK Voyeur Tour, I would skip home, full of joy for a year well done. That was, in fact, not the case. Instead, I plummeted into a haze of self-flagellation, and insatiable self-criticism that, whilst fuelled by outside voices at the time (thank you twitter you beautiful, safe space you <3 ), was predominantly the work of this insatiable hunger outside of me to want MORE.

I think people, and experiences had filled me for so long, that inevitably without those people, I was left half empty. That has been a recurring theme in my life - the idea that to sit alone with my thoughts, and me as just myself is not enough to survive with, and instead I must find value in other things: the music I make, and the way people receive it; my friends and all the ways they make me laugh and feel good about myself; doing shows and knowing that I can give my all to a 45 minute festival set and feel worthy that day. All of those things are my favourite things to do in the world, however I am very well-acquainted enough with my brain to know that anything I care about is destined to be measured, scrutinised and over-contemplated at the end of the day. Was that show good enough ? Do my friends actually like me or are they actually all talking about how annoying I am when I’m not there? Am I going to be able to cope with the pressure of all this? The answer to the last one is an unwavering yes, because even with all of the noise in my head sometimes, I know that I always find a way to make it work. Whenever I meet one of you and you tell me that you also suffer with OCD or anxiety, or just relate to the patterns of thinking I often speak about, often one of the first things I say is that it won’t stop you doing what you love. It’s one of the hardest things to cope with in my life, but you learn to live with it and around it, and that’s why I’ve been able to write songs about it without feeling like it’s this hopeless inescapable thing. I think without these thought patterns, I don’t think I’d be as self-aware as I am, and hence as good a songwriter.

Next week are also my first shows in a while. I have often said in interviews that I don’t suffer from stage fright or nerves particularly. I do think that that is true for the most part, however writing this, I do have a little pit in my stomach that reminds me of being a kid doing the school talent show. I remember being 10 singing ‘Beautiful’ by Christina Aguilera in my primary school’s version of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ and I was able to somehow conceal how much my voice was shaking in a sort of Aguilera-esque warbling vibrato. I also fondly remember that my soon-to-be best friends were shouting “No you’re not” after every chorus where I sang “I am beautiful”. To this day I thank Jack and Jude, as whilst I have not had to deal with hecklers during my shows yet, I know I can hold my own if that ever were to happen. I still won.

Anywho, being back doing shows is something I have been very much looking forward to. That feeling when my intro starts playing in my ears and I can hear the crowd cheering, my stomach sinks to my ass and I just go into this sort of frozen shock. Me and the band do stupid gestures at each other to make us laugh right before we go on. I walk on and within fifteen seconds of being on stage all my fears dissipate into just being happy that I get to be there. It’s a very unique feeling, almost like a drug and once you are away from it, it’s pretty difficult to replicate anywhere else.

Anyway, all of this to say, I am extremely happy that this song about all the innermost workings of my brain is coming at a time when I find myself feeling the opposite way to what I did when I wrote it. Sure there are days where I feel very much ‘back in the emptiness’ so to speak, but I do like it as this sort of meta meaning behind the song, that although from time to time you can feel not yourself; as though you’re pretending around everyone, and you don’t quite know how to get back to your normal state of mind, it might just take you recognising it and not shying away from it (in my case writing a song and having conversation upon conversation about that feeling) and maybe in a month or two you’ll be in a drastically different place. I can’t wait to be back doing shows and celebrating music and sharing everything with you all. Maybe sooner than you think. Maybe if you got down this far (congrats btw), you actually have succeeded in grasping into my sleeves a little further. Maybe you might want to make sure you’re in London this coming Tuesday afternoon. Maybe I’ve been planning something - a hunt of sorts. Maybe I want to come take part also. Maybe you should keep an eye on my Instagram tomorrow for more info, but giving you guys that have been eager-beavers and read down this far a special little heads-up. Maybe you should start making arrangements. Okay enough teasing.

I can’t thank you all enough for the levels of care and understanding you have given me in the midst of this release. I was so ready to come back to you all, and I think this song is going to cement that for us all. And if I’m seeing you at any shows this summer, just know I am preparing to give you the show of your lives. I am working away to make this the best summer yet. I love you all so much. Thank you for being so kind. I really hope you love skin. Not long now!!!!!!

Love,

Alessi Rose <3